also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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