I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
NoShamevember. You game?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
