Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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