you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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