She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
