We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
