I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
