The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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