you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
