you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
