I CAN MOONWALK!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
