Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
