I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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