i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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