You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
