Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
