He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
