The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
