First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
