Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
