Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
