Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
