He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
