Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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