"it" just moved
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
