At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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