Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
