My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
