I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize