i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
