i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
