Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
