mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
