The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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