If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
