Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
