i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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