his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
not ubering you a puppy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
