Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
