How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
