After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
