i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
