You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize