eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
