Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
