the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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