Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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