im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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