your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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