clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
