my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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