my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
